Passions are an interesting thing. You can hold them back for a while, you can let them get sucked into the business of your daily life and tell yourself you don't have time, or you can ignore them, but at some point they are going to come back up and you are going to realize that you've been missing something. You literally feel like there is a part of yourself that's been held back for too long without you acknowledging it.
Writing is one of my passions and I realize that I have neglected it for too long. So many things have happened...hard things have happened in my family that have made me feel not myself and like I'm just blowing around in the wind, going through the motions every day. The only person that brings me out of that is Anthony. I am so lucky that I married someone who reminds me how beautiful life is even when it breaks your heart at times.
Today I realized that the only one who can make me feel better is my Savior and myself. Even if what has happened in my family hurts in my bones, I can choose as to whether or not I let it affect how I feel and go about each day. Lately I haven't wanted to get up out of bed, I'm exhausted, I feel weighed down, and I literally feel like a different person along with not wanting to talk to people and avoiding socialization at all costs...not Morgan. That's not me, and no one can change that but me...I need to change my perspective and have a new outlook. Yes, life has it's challenges...we all know that very well, but it is still beautiful. We just have to look for it and hold onto that beauty and hope when things feel like they're falling through the cracks. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, there is ALWAYS something to smile about, and there is ALWAYS something to hold onto when you feel like things are too hard to bare. Right now I am trying very hard to find those things, and I know that no matter what I will be able to hold onto my savior and his atonement. I will be able to hold onto my amazing husband whom I am sealed for eternity to. No amount of hardship will EVER change that and for that I am so thankful.
I know that Heavenly Father gives us trials, and that sometimes the people around us who we should trust the most can give them too, but he never leaves us without something or someone that will help us through it. He doesn't leave us hanging on a ledge without giving us the rope and equipment we need to climb it; we just need to learn how to use it and have the strength to pull ourselves up. So today I made a decision. Its time to use my rope and climb this mountain. And instead of looking down in fear because of how high up I am, I am going to look up...because that's the only way to go.
