Long time no see!!!

       Hey guys! I haven't blogged for a little while and I thought I should give you guys a little life update. So much has happened so I am going to show you what has gone on in my life over the past fifteen days!!

 

 

One of my best friends Dyed my hair at Paul Mitchel!

 

 





My best friend left on his Mission to North Carolina!

 

 

 It was so hard for us to let him go but we know he will do an amazing job. I am so lucky to have the true friends that I do. They have all helped me through so much and have always been by my side to support me and Anthony and everything that I have gone through this past year. They are always here for me and I feel so blessed to have them in my life!

I love these girls so much! Over the past couple of years so many of our friends have left on missions and we've stuck together. Now we are slowly getting them back and they're coming home! We couldn't be happier that the gang's gettin back together!

 

I am also so happy to say that my Missionary comes home in 6 months!!!!

 

See this handsome man? Yeah he has been well worth all of the waiting! I am so happy that we have eachother and that I have been blessed with such an angel in my life. Only 6 more months Babe!!! Eternity starts so soon and I can't wait to start it with you :) I wonder what he'll think of my hair when we skype Christmas morning!

 



 I am so lucky to have someone that makes me laugh, keeps me strong, gives me butterflies even in pictures, loves me with all of his heart and makes feel like I'm the only one on earth for him and like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.

Lastly, Through all of the changes that have happened in my life I am so lucky to say that my best friends have been by my side through it all. We have all been through so much together but we have kept eachother strong and will always be close no matter where life leads us. Once you have true friends, they never leave. As Life goes on, best friends leave on missions, you get married, have kids, and everything changes so quickly sometimes, but through every change in my life, I will always have the greatest, truest friends by my side teaching me that it's important to never give up, and to trust your gut, stay true to who you are no matter what you have to stand up for. Best friends are angels Heavenly Father places in our live's to help us grow and become the best people we can be while teaching us to laugh and love along the way.

 

 

 

Christmas Memories with Anthony and Special Email's.

     I know it isn't Christmas yet and we haven't even reached Thanksgiving, but waking up to the falling snow brought back a lot of memories with Anthony. Moments that put everything in motion and began our love for each other. I know this is long but it's a story that I need to share. Three years ago, a week or so before Christmas, Anthony had to have surgery on his nose because something wasn't working right. We hadn't started dating yet even though we both secretly wanted to be. At that time though, I wasn't quite ready to be in a relationship again due to my horrible past experiences..so lets just say I had some trust issues.
      The day Anthony had his surgery I was worried sick, especially when his Grandma called and said he was having a hard time. In that moment we were only friends but I felt so much for him and hated the thought of him struggling, especially through a surgery like that. That day had been very tough for me because I was missing my family from Indiana. My Aunt and Unkle, Jon and Erica had sent a video that had pictures of them and all of us together for our Christmas present. The other part of the present was a beautiful picture of my cousin Paisley. After the video I just cried because it was the first time in three years that we were away from them and it was hard.
     The next night my mom and dad said that we should go and visit Anthony. My stomach swarmed with giant butterflies at the thought of it and at the fact that my feelings for him were only getting stronger. Although I had such strong feelings for him, I didn't think I deserved him so I kept it to myself. I was nervous as we walked through the snow to Anthony's front porch but as soon as his grandparents let us in I just wanted to see how he was doing. As we stood by the front door his grandpa asked us how our week had been and I tried to hold back the tears as I was reminded of Jon, Erica, and Paisley. He saw me get upselt and my mom just said that the past two days had been rough for all of us. We made our way in the living room and I did my best to hide the fact that I was about to cry and that I was so worried about Anthony. It was then that I saw him sitting in the recliner wearing his leathermans jacket with a face so bandanged up that I could only see his eyes. In that moment I felt so bad that I was about to cry for another reason because he was in so much pain. I wasn't sure how lucid he was because he didn't say much as we sat on the couches across from him.
      As my parents exclaimed that it was about time for us to head out, we got up and thanked his grandparents for having us over and my parents told Anthony that they hoped he felt better soon. I didn't have any words as I made my way from the couch to the front door. All I could think about was that I didn't want to leave him and the fact that my feelings scared me. I made my way past the recliner Anthony was sitting and glanced at him for a second as I walked by. I again felt the confusing pang of having to leave him when suddenly someone grabbed my hand and pulled me from my thoughts. I was confused for a second and then looked down realizing that Anthony had grabbed my hand. As my gaze traveled from our hands to his eyes, it was like time had stopped. Even though he was under a lot of medication, Anthony was looking at me in a way I have never been looked at before. To this day it is still hard for me to describe it.It was like he was looking into my eyes with a look of pure longing..of pure love and protectiveness towards me and so much more. In that moment I felt like it was as if he was looking right through me and that he knew I was hurting, so he did the only thing he could do which was grab my hand, look at me, and make me see how he felt about me. I had never been looked at like that by anyone and all I could do was stare back in shock. When he let go of my hand and my gaze, I walked to the front door to join my parents and his grandparents who were looking at me with smiles on their faces.
        When we arrived home that night all I could think about was how Anthony had looked at me. I stayed up all night tossing and turning and thinking that when he had grabbed hold of my hand, I felt different...like my heart would burst at any minute. It wasn't just the fact that he had grabbed my hand that had me utterly stunned, it was the fact that I didn't want him to let go. As I fell a sleep with butterflies in my stomach, I was reminded that he probably didn't realize what he was doing, that he wouldn't remember a thing, and that the look he gave me was the drugs wearing off.
       The next day was Sunday and as I got ready the butterflies came back at the thought that I might see Anthony at church. As nervous as I was, I was also sad because I wished that the look he gave me the night before was real and that he meant to grab my hand. As we walked to our bench and listened to the organ playing I saw Anthony sitting up at the sacrament table. His face was still bandaged up but he looked so much better. Before they got ready to pass the sacrament I felt Anthony's eyes on me but didn't know why he would be looking at me anyways. It was then that a thought came to my mind. " Does he remember?" I immediatly pushed the thought away and tried not to get my hopes up. When Sacrament was finished and the boys made their way from the sacrament table to their seats, my heart raced as Anthony made our way towards our bench. When he reached us, he leaned past me to shake Jade's hand. As he was shaking Jades hand he turned his head and looked at me....with THAT look!!! Again, time stopped and the only thing I was aware of were his eyes looking into mine. He remembered and it wasn't the med's that caused it before!! It was real and I couldn't believe what was happening. Everything happened so fast as he let go of Jades hand and made his way to his seat. I knew I was blushing furiously and even though it was just us in those few seconds, I knew my parents weren't the only one's that noticed as I saw the Bishoprick staring with amussed faces. I swear half the ward was staring. I looked over to my mom and said, " Did you see that? Did that just happen?" I'm sure she was just as stunned as everyone else as she nodded back.
       Sacrament meeting passed fast because all I could think about was that something was set into motion when I went to visit Anthony. From the moment he grabbed my hand and looked at me something changed. As christmas commenced the next week, Anthony and I started to talk a lot more and even talked about what had happened at his house that night and during church the next day. We knew we liked eachother but I don't think either of us were aware that we were falling for eachother. We both agreed that we would know when it was right to be anything more than we were. After he was feeling better and the bandages were taken off, I invited him to spent time with my family and I for New Years Eve. That night we had a blast watching movies and watching the ball drop in Time's Square. The night went by too quickly and pretty soon it was time to say goodbye. I hadn't noticed that my family had left us alone. As we stood their it was evident that saying goodbye was going to be harder than we thought. He hadn't touched me since we went to visit him after the surgery so I was surprised when he pulled me in for a hug. In that moment I felt as if I belonged in the safety of his arms and we both melted. It might sound cheesy but it was like we knew it was where we both belonged. We stood there for a while savoring the moment and not wanting to let go just yet. When  we ended our long goodbye, I watched as he walked out my front door and through the snow to his truck and shut the door. I stood there for a moment and taking everything in. Just as no one had ever looked at me like Anthony had, No one had ever hugged me like that either. It was like he was holding the world in his arms and he would never let anything happen to me.
      The next morning I told him how I felt about the night before, anxious of what he would say but he felt the same way I did. In that moment we both knew that New Years eve had changed everything and we've been together ever since.
    Even though three and a half years has passed since we fell for eachother, he still looks at me with that same look and still holds me like he's holding his world in his arms. Even though he's so far away, today I can still picture him walking through the snow to his truck the night everything changed. I can still picture the all of the snowy nights after that when we walked to his truck together and said or long goodbyes as he would let me into his leatherman's jacket to keep me warm and as close as possible. These memories are so precious to me and even now when I walk outside into the crisp air and snow I can still smell his Leatherman's jacket and feel how warm his neck felt every time he hugged me and how safe and loved I felt in his arms. I still remember how it felt to dance together in the glow of the christmas tree we decorated together during our last christmas together before he left and how happy we were that night.This season isn't just my favorite because of the memories, the music, or the time I get to spend with my family, but because Anthony is with me wherever I go and this is when we fell in love. Sometimes when I walk to my car I stand in the snow and pretend that Anthony is pulling me into his jacket to keep me warm like he used to and I can feel him as if he's standing right in front of me. Whenever things get hard I remember how that felt. I picture him looking at me like he did that night in his recliner and it doesn't hurt so much.
Here are some Email's I've gotten since he's been on his mission that have meant a lot to me and have kept him with me every day.

Monday, October 31, 2011- 11:20 a.m.

" You make me happy when sky's are gray, you'll never know dear how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away. Sleep tight tonight, I love you :) So much. I was thinking about the noises you make when you laugh super hard...remembering little things like that feels so good. Stay strong and be safe, God Speed Ma Lady." -Anthony

Monday, September 17, 2012- 4:15 a.m.

" I love you, I don't feel all of your pain but I feel it when you talk to me about it and when I pray for you and for your body..I feel a part of it even if its only a little bit. I know that when Christ knelt in the Garden of Gesthemeny that he felt your pain of your discomfort and unsurity of yourself, or the pain of me being out here if you ever have, but he loves you. Bishop Martin saw the devine woman that you are and how your spirit radiates much like the light of Christ. I love you with all of my heart and I love to talk to you. It's one of the most comforting things I can do. Rely on the Holy Ghost you have and it will carry you. My love, I'll talk to you soon, sleep tight."- Anthony

Monday, October 9, 2012- 4:28 a.m.

" Love of my life, I'm going to tell you more in my letter but :) Wo i ne! Thats Chinese for I love you, I got called to speak Chinese with Elder Taylor to be the Zone leader in Sheffield. Elder Eyring's talk in the Saterday morning session about having a fullness of joy with family in the spirit world was probably one of my most favorite talks I've ever heard and I cried like a baby. I am so excited for Jade, he is so ready, I thought about him as it was coming out of President Monson's mouth. I love President Monson, it's incredible when he's just like okay this is what the Lord said and this is what we need. In a year almost to the week, we'll go to conference together. I love you sweetheart. So much. I'll talk to you soon :) **HUG**- Anthony.
         
Monday, October 15, 2012- 4:41 a.m.

" Some things you didn't know about me..I love Hazlenut Chocolate ice cream, beveled oak wood floors are my favorite thing to stand on, I look up the scriptures to songs and I love teaching through hymns. I have to go but I'm really excited to get your letter; I think I read all of the papers you sent me in my box :) What's something I can make you for Christmas? And your hair is beautiful :) I love you more than you know Morgan, I hope you can feel it every day. Sleep tight, I'll be talking to you soon."- Anthony
       

Good Morning America's shocking news!!

      I normally don't watch Good morning America but yesterday I did and I still can't believe what I saw. I have always known that the media's opinion of what beauty looks like has been obscured but I think they're going over board. Anyways, as I was watching Good Morning America they started talking about the lead Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence, and explained that the media has been saying she's too fat for Hollywood. To show you how ridiculous this claim is, let me show you a picture-

Whats so horrible about this claim is that it further proves that the media thinks having the body of a woman and having curves means your fat and not skinny enough to fit the world's standard of beauty. This is what Jennifer said after hearing what the critics had to say to her-" I’m never going to starve myself for a part. I don’t want little girls to be like, ‘Oh, I want to look like Katniss, so I’m going to skip dinner.’ That’s something I was really conscious of during training, when you’re trying to get your body to look exactly right. I was trying to get my body to look fit and strong – not thin and underfed.” Jennifer continues by saying that she would rather have a womanly shape with curves and boobs instead of having a little girl body just because that's what the media's standards are.

 

 More girls and women need to look up to people like Jennifer because no matter what the critics throw at her, she stays true to herself and she loves her body. I don't even understand why the media would say such a thing because she looks great and many women would kill for that body! It just shows that we need to stop looking up to people who do everything to fit the worlds standards and start looking up to people who remind us that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and that the media is completely deranged. I don't know about you but I am not going to let the media's standard of beauty effect how I feel about my hair, my face, or my body.
I'm not a size zero, I have curves and the body of a woman, and no matter what the world thinks beauty is...I know that I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am. I'm not going to form to the worlds standards or what others think of me because what they think doesn't matter....What I think about myself matters and what my heavenly father thinks of me matters much more than any ones opinion of beauty.

Why do I run??

A lot of people ask me, "why? Why do you run?" I know I'm not going to get the normal reaction when I say I run 4 miles every day, but there is always a surprised and confused expression on someones face when I tell them, "yes I run three or four miles a day and I love it!" By then they just start thinking I'm crazy. The truth is I hated running a couple of years ago but now it's essential. Running doesn't just  help my body do what it needs to do and stay healthy, it makes me feel good too. On days like today when I'm really missing Anthony or I'm stressed out about starting school, all I can think about is getting on the treadmill for a good run!! When you run "Feel-good" hormones are released in your body. Your mood is instantly heightened and you feel satisfied and happy with yourself. I'm not saying running is easy, it never is, but that's why I like it. It allows me to push myself. I tried the whole speed-walk-on-incline-thing and I hated it because running makes me feel powerful and I can get it over with faster. When I run I can think more clearly and it's the perfect way to release stress. After my runs I feel like a completely new person! I'm also a huge fan of strength training so I love doing push-ups and core workouts. If someone told me 16 months ago that I would be running 4 miles a day with strength training, I would've said they were insane!!! Now its the other way around. Running is in my blood so I should've known it would pop up sooner or later, but I would've never expected myself to love it and need it this much! So why do I run?? I run because for 40 minutes a day, all I have to think about is the steady rhythm of my feet and feel my breath as it goes in and out. I run because it makes me feel strong and powerful. I run because I have to. I run because I love it. I run because I decided to make the jump.

A poem that I've finally decided to share.

Looking Foward

 

This Tale is true and mine.

I'm looking at you,

the hurt in your eyes is all I can see.

Without speaking you say,

how could you do this...

I thought you loved me, I thought you cared,

you told me you would always be there,

be there for me,

now I'm blind, now I can't see.

I'm sinking in deep water,

the deep regret of the hurt I've caused..

crushing down on my heart,

because I broke yours...I tore it apart.

You turn your back from me and walk away,

I'm calling out your name with tears in my eyes.

You don't turn around,

and dark clouds fill up the skies.

I wake myself up calling your name,

with tears forcing to spill, stronger than wind or the pure power of will.

My room has gone cold and it's too dark to see,

but I can still see you walking away.

How could I do that do you?

How could I do this to me?

Memories start flowing from three weeks before,

Shaking your set-apart hands,

My last goodbye...looking into your eyes one last time before walking tou the door.

Clutching your missionary blanket tightly in my arms.

I have the bravery to look back as I'm walking,

seeing into days past...

before I told you I didn't know if it would last.

I saw the year I moved here,

helplessly hurting heeding hope,

with a sad and troubled mind.

You helped me through it, so caring and kind.

You told me you knew just how to make me smile,

something I hadn't truthfully done..

in longer than a while.

You picked me up and drove down a dirt road,

snow covered the ground, and the air was thick with frost.

You opened my door and I stepped out of the truck,

this is a memory that in my heart stuck.

You led me a couple of feet,

We sat on a log and I couldn't believe my eyes of what I could see,

A beautiful river and waterfall glistening back at me.

The sky was filled with orange and pink,

for the first time, my heart lifted up...

it did not sink.

You began to say you dreampt a dream,

but wouldn't tell me anything unless I would sing.

When the notes ended I took a glance,

Taking in your grinning stare....not knowing that nothing could prepare,

prepare me for what would happen next,

I wasn't aware.

You got up off the log and walked away, stopped, and held out your hand.

I walked closer taking the leap by chance,

you pulled me in and we started to dance.

My heart leapt while asking you of your dream..

you whispered in my ear,

This was my dream. Right now. Here.

You told me that things would change and that I would be alright,

in that moment a puzzle peice slipped back into my heart, filling with light.

As I walked my mind returned to reality.

My heart threatening to burst as I took slower steps,

This was the reality I had to face..in this moment,

in this place.

I saw into more memories,

laughted and joy,

Gospel testimony, strength and Truth,

not one thing existed without me and you.

I saw us cooking together, and taking early night runs,

I remembered watching the stars in the sky as they shined,

and looking at the setting sun,

where we faced fears and talked about hopes and dreams, glistening in the starlight gleam.

I loved seeing you and my family together,

that was when I know our bond would last forever.

We triumphed over trials and helped eachother through,

whenever there was a problem we knew just what to do.

My steps came to a stop.

Looking back to the six weeks before that moment,

the moment I had to say goodbye,

I told you I couldn't wait for you, I left you in my kitchen

I made you cry.

I said I wasn't sure if you were the one,

the one that still could come, I wasn't ready for your reply,

you fought for us, and knew I was acting out of fear,

you never stopped loving me, you were always here.

You supported my decision even though you knew I was wrong...

it was in that moment walking that I knew where I belonged.

I got into the truck, greiving from the pain of a broken heart,

looking back as we drove away,

A pain that stayed and lasted months because of regret,

I felt it, made up my mind...

I prayed and a decision was set,

Two years without compared nothing to eternity..

eternity began the first day we met.

sixteen months have now passed,

Miracles in England...the place where you are,

where you shine and make families forever, brighter than the brightest star.

Everything has led up to these days,

days of growing, learning, and falling deeper down diving, depicting dreams,

filling wiht happiness and hope, instead of tearing at the seams.

Our love has been tested...by others and by me.

Everything that has happened was meant to be...even walking through the rain on that dark night, and waking up from nightmares of you walking out of sight.

Weakness became strength,

a strength we've never known before,

every day becoming more.

I no longer regret the past even though I certainly regret what I did,

what I had done,

but in the end we have certainly won.

When I walk out the door, I'm no longer looking back,

I'm looking foward....I'm looking foward with you,

On a journey never finished.

 



Be happy by Nina Dobrev.

This quote from Nina Dobrev is one of my favorites. It reminds me that I am unique and beautiful in my own way. Wishing to look like or be like someone else is just wasting what my Heavenly Father has blessed me with. This quote reminds me to not only be happy and positive each day but to be happy with myself  and everything that comes with being me! So don't obsess, be happy!