One of the best days of my life!!!

                                  We all have day's in our lives that change everything around us, how we think, how we view ourselves, and how we view the world. Christmas was one of those days for me. Before Christmas morning I hadn't seen Anthony in 7 months and even though I tried, calming my nerves became an impossibility as I sat with my family and waited for Anthony to call on Skype. Finally the moment came! As I walked into the kitchen fighting back tears, my heart felt like it might beat out of my chest...I couldn't believe the moment had finally come. We all gathered around the computer so excited to see him!

When I heard his voice for the first time in 8 months I felt like thousands of weights were lifted off of my shoulders and I was home again. For the first time in so long I felt completely calm and happy:) It was such an amazing feeling, he has always had a way of helping me come to myself more than anyone else. Soon it was our turn to have our time with each other. As my family and his left the kitchen my heart began to beat a little faster and I couldn't believe what was happening, but as soon as I sat down and faced the computer I was Looking at the love of my life who just happened to be looking right back at me! We couldn't have been happier and were trying to convice ourselves that it was actually real.

Talking to him was indescribable and so effortless. I was talking to my best friend, my soul mate and I was right where I was meant to me. We talked and laughed like we had just talked for hours the day before. It was like no time had passed and I can't even put into words how happy I was to be in that moment with him. Being able to hear him say "I love you" brought tears to my eyes as I said "I love you too." After only seeing it written on sheets of paper, being able to hear it and say it was so beautiful and it felt amazing...It was like being able to tell each other how much we love each other made our love grow even deeper. It means so much more when you aren't able to hear it or say it often, especially to the person you love most. I just can't even begin to describe how it felt. We talked for a little bit and then in his cute english accent he asked, "Will you sing for me?" Fortunetly I was already a step ahead and had a song prepared just for him. I let him know that I had giant calluses on my fingers from practicing so I would be good enough to learn a song for him.

And then, with overgrown butterflies in my stomach, I started to sing....

~~~~~~~

Since I was paying close attention to the chords on my guitar I didn't notice the expression on his face :) He always seems to look at me like that when I'm not paying attention...but  I love it when he does. That look melts my heart even when I don't notice it right away...It reminds me that I have someone that truly loves me for me and appreciates the small things like me singing for him. When I was done he said it was beautiful and the best Christmas present he could've ever gotten :) He told me how good he's been doing and that he wished I could be witnessing the miracles that were happening all around him. I smiled as he talked with conviction about how much he loved his mission. It meant so much to me to hear him so excited about something that he loves so much.  We talked for a little longer and he told me how much he loved me and that I was so beautiful. It was amazing because for the first time in too long I actually felt beautiful and I believed it as it came out of his mouth..when I'm with Anthony I am able to be my quirky goofy self without second guessing because he loves me for who I am; quirks, crooked smile, and all. Then he got a more serious look on his face and told me that a package was coming my way and inside it would be a little Wooden box.

He told me that before I opened the box, that I needed to think of the Count of Monte Cristo. I was curious because that had been "OUR" movie for forever, but I knew right away what would be in the special box. He told me that he had been wearing a peice of twine around his ring finger and that in the box there would be a piece of twine for me to tie around my finger until he could replace it with something else when he got home.

 I just sat there in awe and tried not to cry...... it was obvious that he had just told me I was so happy and my brother's jaw-dropped face in the backround was priceless. It was really hard to say goodbye and afterwards his grandma held me as I cried, but we both were so happy that in a way it wasn't so hard. We knew we didn't have long until we'd be together again. As we looked at eachother, smiled, and said I love you...We didn't say goodbye, we said, "I'll see you soon." Those six words held more meaning than anything we have ever said to eachother. When I was looking at him I wasn't just looking at the most amazing, loving, handsome man that I had ever met, I was looking at my eternal companion. I was smiling at the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The person who I want to be holding my hand when I'm old and grey...the person who I would wait forever for if I had to. I was looking at the man who's smile brightens my world and makes everything around me beautiful. These 5 months that are left seem like nothing now!! Before I know it the moment will come when I will be able to run into his arms after two years and know in my heart that I will never have to let him go again. This Christmas was lifechanging. It was so much different than skyping Anthony last Christmas because our feelings and love for eachother have grown so much deeper and stronger.

Through these next 5 months I am going to hold onto how it felt to hear his voice and the special moments that we shared together through those short 45 minutes. When you've found the person who's meant for you...you will make the sacrifices needed to be with them. these 18 months have been a sacrifice yes, but they have also been one of the most amazing blessings I have ever recieved and the most beauitful journey I have ever been on. I wouldn't take it back for anything even though I can't wait for our two years to be up!!!

That night I found a song that described how I feel pefectly and what this waiting experience has been like for the both of us.

 

I thought all of the surprises were over until the most unexpected thing happened when I got home.

My parents told me I couldn't look...

 And then they uncovered my eyes....

 

My dad couldn't even look at me because he was crying too...it was emotional moment for the both of us.

 

I opened it up and it was one of the most beautiful thing's I have ever seen.

 I was SHOCKED.

 

IT WAS A 93 WESTERLY GUILD GUITAR!!!!! :) These aren't even made any more and it sounds so beautiful and warm. Between this guitar and being able to see the love of my eternity..it was the best christmas of my entire life. 

MY MOMENT.

My Moment

 

This moment.

This moment is mine,

This moment is bigger than me,

breathing in and out.

this moment is making me better,

faster,

stronger,

this moment is training my mind,

this moment is training my body,

My time of quiet,

when I shut the world out and focus.

Nothing matters because its just me and my moment.

My moment where I feel most like myself,

when I can lay it all out on the table,

Breathing in and out.

This moment is making me happy,

this moment is soaking up negativity,

my time of happiness.

when my thoughts are clearer,

and everything makes sense,

When I find solutions to my problems.

enjoying the moment.

Breathing in and out.

This moment makes me push myself,

this moment teaches me to ignore the voice in my head saying,

you can't do this, why are you here....I ignore that voice in my ear.

This moment is giving me confidence,

This moment is showing me,

I can do this, I am supposed to be here,

this is where I belong...

in this moment that's making me strong,

my time of peace,

breathing in and out.

I listen to my feet and the steady rhythm they keep,

This moment is meant for the determined,

this moment is meant for the eager,

This moment is meant for those who need it.

In this moment, I feel beautiful and I feel unstoppable.

My time of strength...

When I am given what I need,

Breathing in and out.

Shutting the world out.

Holding nothing back especially myself.

Its just me,

My moment,

MY RUN.

 

 

I VOW TO...NEVER QUIT.

Recently I got a little side tracked with my journey to body peace and forgot about the goals I should be trying to accomplish and improve on. Instead I went backwards rather than fowards, so I thought I would remind myself and put the new Body Peace list up since a few new things have been added to it since I decided to accept this challenge. Re-Reading these goals and seeing the new ones filled me with hope and determination because I know they're attainable. I know I can do it if I stay focused and work hard. I want this more than anything. I want to make these goals habits and become the best version of myself that I can be. I want to be able to look in the mirror and have a great big smile on my face because I feel beautiful and I'm happy with who I am from the inside out. I WILL get there. I WON'T QUIT.

 

I VOW TO...

·          Do the little things that will keep my body healthy, like walking instead of hanging on the couch, or drinking water rather than something sugary.

·          Appreciate what makes my body different from anyone else's. I love that I'm unique on the inside; I will try to feel that way about the outside too!

·          Wear makeup only when I want to and it feels fun. I won't use it to hide the real me!

·         Accept that my body will go through changes, and that's okay.

·          Support my friends, who just like me, have their own body issues. Hey, we're all in this together!

·          Put my energy toward the things in life I care about instead of wasting another ounce of it on my insecurities.

·         Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slices of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight.

·         Never blame my body for the bad day I'm having.

·         Stop joining in when my friends compare and trash their own bodies.

·         Never allow a dirty look from someone else to influence how I feel about my appearance.

·         Quit judging a person solely by how his or her body looks — even if it seems harmless — because I'd never want anyone to do that to me.

·         Notice all the amazing things my body is doing for me every moment I walk, talk, think, breathe...

·         Quiet that negative little voice in my head when it starts to say mean things about my body that I'd never tolerate anyone else saying about me.

·         Remind myself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV and in ads — it takes a lot of airbrushing, dieting, money, and work to look like that.

·         Remember that even the girl who I'd swap bodies with in a minute has something about her looks that she hates.

·         Respect my body by feeding it well, working up a sweat when it needs it, and knowing when to give it a break.

·         Realize that the mirror can reflect only what's on the surface of me, not who I am inside.

·         Know that I'm already beautiful just the way I am.

·         Not let my size define me. It’s far better to focus on how awesome I look in my jeans than the number on the tag.

·         Surround myself with positive people. True friends are there to lift me up when I’m feeling low and won't bring me down with criticism, body bashing, or gossip.

·         Accept the changes that my body is going through. I will celebrate my new shape and curves. I will rock what I've got!

·         Remember that sometimes I will have down moments. And in those times, I will remind myself of how awesome I am by looking in the mirror and saying, "I'm good! I can do this! I'm number one!"

·         Accept that beauty isn't just about my looks. It's my awesome personality and my energy that creates a whole, unique package.

 

 

My "I'm Still Waiting" College Plan.

                 Okay, lets face it. BYU-I isn't called "BYU- I DO" for nothing. I'm not saying that engagements or wedding plans happen there every day or anything (maybe they do) but its no secret that many students who go there not only go with the hopes of getting a better education and future, but also with the hopes of finding an Eternal Companion. And lets just say that when it comes to my guy friends starting to like me, it's happened a lot. Its not the easiest thing but I get through it and luckily my friends have enough respect for me to not act on it because they know I'm in love with someone else. Because of my bad luck of this happening, yes, I'm worried about the guys at BYU-I, but I know that I will always stand my ground. They might have not found their Eternal Companion yet, but I have found mine. I'm not going to go on any dates where the guy doesn't know I'm taken and that I'm not looking for that person anymore. If I become friends with a guy that's like, "hey! lets get a group together tonight to hang out!" and he knows how I feel then I'll go, but I will by no means go on a date where the guy is looking for that special person and is interested in me, because that's not fair to them. I can't give them what they want...They need to go on dates with people who are still looking and hoping they'll find that person that's just for them.  I'm not that person.
                I know that there's always the chance that a guy could come along who won't take a hint, but I'll deal with that when and if it happens. Someone I love very much, you could say she's like a sister to me, was talking to a couple of guys who work with her and currently go to BYU-I. They told her that a lot of guys up there don't care if a girl is waiting for a missionary, they'll try anyway. They continued with saying that if they were interested in a girl who was waiting for a missionary, that wouldn't stop them. I understand how they feel because to them, its sometimes normal for  Missionary Girlfriends to decide they want someone else or decide it's not working out when they meet someone else. It happens a lot, but in all honesty...I am not normal and neither is me and Anthony's relationship. It makes sense if the girl they're interested in is flirting back and isn't as serious as I am but I honestly think that if a girl has made up her mind and knows where she stands, any guy who is interested should respect her decision. If not he'll just be wasting his time on something that's never going to happen. And hey, maybe someone might still try but they'll soon figure out that I'm not for them....That I belong with someone else. I have too much respect for people to let someone pursue me when I have nothing to give them in return.
                   Some of you are probably thinking, "yeah right, watch her find someone else." If you feel that way I can assure you that you're not going to watch me find someone else, you're going to watch me prove you wrong. I am so excited for the college experience and I can't wait to grow and learn more about myself, my testimony, make new friends and have the time of my life. One things for sure though. I'm going to make sure everyone knows where I stand... I met the love of my life 3 and 1/2 years ago and by no circumstances will I ever let him go :)I have one month until I start school..watch out BYU-I here I come!!

Long time no see!!!

       Hey guys! I haven't blogged for a little while and I thought I should give you guys a little life update. So much has happened so I am going to show you what has gone on in my life over the past fifteen days!!

 

 

One of my best friends Dyed my hair at Paul Mitchel!

 

 





My best friend left on his Mission to North Carolina!

 

 

 It was so hard for us to let him go but we know he will do an amazing job. I am so lucky to have the true friends that I do. They have all helped me through so much and have always been by my side to support me and Anthony and everything that I have gone through this past year. They are always here for me and I feel so blessed to have them in my life!

I love these girls so much! Over the past couple of years so many of our friends have left on missions and we've stuck together. Now we are slowly getting them back and they're coming home! We couldn't be happier that the gang's gettin back together!

 

I am also so happy to say that my Missionary comes home in 6 months!!!!

 

See this handsome man? Yeah he has been well worth all of the waiting! I am so happy that we have eachother and that I have been blessed with such an angel in my life. Only 6 more months Babe!!! Eternity starts so soon and I can't wait to start it with you :) I wonder what he'll think of my hair when we skype Christmas morning!

 



 I am so lucky to have someone that makes me laugh, keeps me strong, gives me butterflies even in pictures, loves me with all of his heart and makes feel like I'm the only one on earth for him and like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.

Lastly, Through all of the changes that have happened in my life I am so lucky to say that my best friends have been by my side through it all. We have all been through so much together but we have kept eachother strong and will always be close no matter where life leads us. Once you have true friends, they never leave. As Life goes on, best friends leave on missions, you get married, have kids, and everything changes so quickly sometimes, but through every change in my life, I will always have the greatest, truest friends by my side teaching me that it's important to never give up, and to trust your gut, stay true to who you are no matter what you have to stand up for. Best friends are angels Heavenly Father places in our live's to help us grow and become the best people we can be while teaching us to laugh and love along the way.

 

 

 

Christmas Memories with Anthony and Special Email's.

     I know it isn't Christmas yet and we haven't even reached Thanksgiving, but waking up to the falling snow brought back a lot of memories with Anthony. Moments that put everything in motion and began our love for each other. I know this is long but it's a story that I need to share. Three years ago, a week or so before Christmas, Anthony had to have surgery on his nose because something wasn't working right. We hadn't started dating yet even though we both secretly wanted to be. At that time though, I wasn't quite ready to be in a relationship again due to my horrible past experiences..so lets just say I had some trust issues.
      The day Anthony had his surgery I was worried sick, especially when his Grandma called and said he was having a hard time. In that moment we were only friends but I felt so much for him and hated the thought of him struggling, especially through a surgery like that. That day had been very tough for me because I was missing my family from Indiana. My Aunt and Unkle, Jon and Erica had sent a video that had pictures of them and all of us together for our Christmas present. The other part of the present was a beautiful picture of my cousin Paisley. After the video I just cried because it was the first time in three years that we were away from them and it was hard.
     The next night my mom and dad said that we should go and visit Anthony. My stomach swarmed with giant butterflies at the thought of it and at the fact that my feelings for him were only getting stronger. Although I had such strong feelings for him, I didn't think I deserved him so I kept it to myself. I was nervous as we walked through the snow to Anthony's front porch but as soon as his grandparents let us in I just wanted to see how he was doing. As we stood by the front door his grandpa asked us how our week had been and I tried to hold back the tears as I was reminded of Jon, Erica, and Paisley. He saw me get upselt and my mom just said that the past two days had been rough for all of us. We made our way in the living room and I did my best to hide the fact that I was about to cry and that I was so worried about Anthony. It was then that I saw him sitting in the recliner wearing his leathermans jacket with a face so bandanged up that I could only see his eyes. In that moment I felt so bad that I was about to cry for another reason because he was in so much pain. I wasn't sure how lucid he was because he didn't say much as we sat on the couches across from him.
      As my parents exclaimed that it was about time for us to head out, we got up and thanked his grandparents for having us over and my parents told Anthony that they hoped he felt better soon. I didn't have any words as I made my way from the couch to the front door. All I could think about was that I didn't want to leave him and the fact that my feelings scared me. I made my way past the recliner Anthony was sitting and glanced at him for a second as I walked by. I again felt the confusing pang of having to leave him when suddenly someone grabbed my hand and pulled me from my thoughts. I was confused for a second and then looked down realizing that Anthony had grabbed my hand. As my gaze traveled from our hands to his eyes, it was like time had stopped. Even though he was under a lot of medication, Anthony was looking at me in a way I have never been looked at before. To this day it is still hard for me to describe it.It was like he was looking into my eyes with a look of pure longing..of pure love and protectiveness towards me and so much more. In that moment I felt like it was as if he was looking right through me and that he knew I was hurting, so he did the only thing he could do which was grab my hand, look at me, and make me see how he felt about me. I had never been looked at like that by anyone and all I could do was stare back in shock. When he let go of my hand and my gaze, I walked to the front door to join my parents and his grandparents who were looking at me with smiles on their faces.
        When we arrived home that night all I could think about was how Anthony had looked at me. I stayed up all night tossing and turning and thinking that when he had grabbed hold of my hand, I felt different...like my heart would burst at any minute. It wasn't just the fact that he had grabbed my hand that had me utterly stunned, it was the fact that I didn't want him to let go. As I fell a sleep with butterflies in my stomach, I was reminded that he probably didn't realize what he was doing, that he wouldn't remember a thing, and that the look he gave me was the drugs wearing off.
       The next day was Sunday and as I got ready the butterflies came back at the thought that I might see Anthony at church. As nervous as I was, I was also sad because I wished that the look he gave me the night before was real and that he meant to grab my hand. As we walked to our bench and listened to the organ playing I saw Anthony sitting up at the sacrament table. His face was still bandaged up but he looked so much better. Before they got ready to pass the sacrament I felt Anthony's eyes on me but didn't know why he would be looking at me anyways. It was then that a thought came to my mind. " Does he remember?" I immediatly pushed the thought away and tried not to get my hopes up. When Sacrament was finished and the boys made their way from the sacrament table to their seats, my heart raced as Anthony made our way towards our bench. When he reached us, he leaned past me to shake Jade's hand. As he was shaking Jades hand he turned his head and looked at me....with THAT look!!! Again, time stopped and the only thing I was aware of were his eyes looking into mine. He remembered and it wasn't the med's that caused it before!! It was real and I couldn't believe what was happening. Everything happened so fast as he let go of Jades hand and made his way to his seat. I knew I was blushing furiously and even though it was just us in those few seconds, I knew my parents weren't the only one's that noticed as I saw the Bishoprick staring with amussed faces. I swear half the ward was staring. I looked over to my mom and said, " Did you see that? Did that just happen?" I'm sure she was just as stunned as everyone else as she nodded back.
       Sacrament meeting passed fast because all I could think about was that something was set into motion when I went to visit Anthony. From the moment he grabbed my hand and looked at me something changed. As christmas commenced the next week, Anthony and I started to talk a lot more and even talked about what had happened at his house that night and during church the next day. We knew we liked eachother but I don't think either of us were aware that we were falling for eachother. We both agreed that we would know when it was right to be anything more than we were. After he was feeling better and the bandages were taken off, I invited him to spent time with my family and I for New Years Eve. That night we had a blast watching movies and watching the ball drop in Time's Square. The night went by too quickly and pretty soon it was time to say goodbye. I hadn't noticed that my family had left us alone. As we stood their it was evident that saying goodbye was going to be harder than we thought. He hadn't touched me since we went to visit him after the surgery so I was surprised when he pulled me in for a hug. In that moment I felt as if I belonged in the safety of his arms and we both melted. It might sound cheesy but it was like we knew it was where we both belonged. We stood there for a while savoring the moment and not wanting to let go just yet. When  we ended our long goodbye, I watched as he walked out my front door and through the snow to his truck and shut the door. I stood there for a moment and taking everything in. Just as no one had ever looked at me like Anthony had, No one had ever hugged me like that either. It was like he was holding the world in his arms and he would never let anything happen to me.
      The next morning I told him how I felt about the night before, anxious of what he would say but he felt the same way I did. In that moment we both knew that New Years eve had changed everything and we've been together ever since.
    Even though three and a half years has passed since we fell for eachother, he still looks at me with that same look and still holds me like he's holding his world in his arms. Even though he's so far away, today I can still picture him walking through the snow to his truck the night everything changed. I can still picture the all of the snowy nights after that when we walked to his truck together and said or long goodbyes as he would let me into his leatherman's jacket to keep me warm and as close as possible. These memories are so precious to me and even now when I walk outside into the crisp air and snow I can still smell his Leatherman's jacket and feel how warm his neck felt every time he hugged me and how safe and loved I felt in his arms. I still remember how it felt to dance together in the glow of the christmas tree we decorated together during our last christmas together before he left and how happy we were that night.This season isn't just my favorite because of the memories, the music, or the time I get to spend with my family, but because Anthony is with me wherever I go and this is when we fell in love. Sometimes when I walk to my car I stand in the snow and pretend that Anthony is pulling me into his jacket to keep me warm like he used to and I can feel him as if he's standing right in front of me. Whenever things get hard I remember how that felt. I picture him looking at me like he did that night in his recliner and it doesn't hurt so much.
Here are some Email's I've gotten since he's been on his mission that have meant a lot to me and have kept him with me every day.

Monday, October 31, 2011- 11:20 a.m.

" You make me happy when sky's are gray, you'll never know dear how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away. Sleep tight tonight, I love you :) So much. I was thinking about the noises you make when you laugh super hard...remembering little things like that feels so good. Stay strong and be safe, God Speed Ma Lady." -Anthony

Monday, September 17, 2012- 4:15 a.m.

" I love you, I don't feel all of your pain but I feel it when you talk to me about it and when I pray for you and for your body..I feel a part of it even if its only a little bit. I know that when Christ knelt in the Garden of Gesthemeny that he felt your pain of your discomfort and unsurity of yourself, or the pain of me being out here if you ever have, but he loves you. Bishop Martin saw the devine woman that you are and how your spirit radiates much like the light of Christ. I love you with all of my heart and I love to talk to you. It's one of the most comforting things I can do. Rely on the Holy Ghost you have and it will carry you. My love, I'll talk to you soon, sleep tight."- Anthony

Monday, October 9, 2012- 4:28 a.m.

" Love of my life, I'm going to tell you more in my letter but :) Wo i ne! Thats Chinese for I love you, I got called to speak Chinese with Elder Taylor to be the Zone leader in Sheffield. Elder Eyring's talk in the Saterday morning session about having a fullness of joy with family in the spirit world was probably one of my most favorite talks I've ever heard and I cried like a baby. I am so excited for Jade, he is so ready, I thought about him as it was coming out of President Monson's mouth. I love President Monson, it's incredible when he's just like okay this is what the Lord said and this is what we need. In a year almost to the week, we'll go to conference together. I love you sweetheart. So much. I'll talk to you soon :) **HUG**- Anthony.
         
Monday, October 15, 2012- 4:41 a.m.

" Some things you didn't know about me..I love Hazlenut Chocolate ice cream, beveled oak wood floors are my favorite thing to stand on, I look up the scriptures to songs and I love teaching through hymns. I have to go but I'm really excited to get your letter; I think I read all of the papers you sent me in my box :) What's something I can make you for Christmas? And your hair is beautiful :) I love you more than you know Morgan, I hope you can feel it every day. Sleep tight, I'll be talking to you soon."- Anthony
       

Good Morning America's shocking news!!

      I normally don't watch Good morning America but yesterday I did and I still can't believe what I saw. I have always known that the media's opinion of what beauty looks like has been obscured but I think they're going over board. Anyways, as I was watching Good Morning America they started talking about the lead Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence, and explained that the media has been saying she's too fat for Hollywood. To show you how ridiculous this claim is, let me show you a picture-

Whats so horrible about this claim is that it further proves that the media thinks having the body of a woman and having curves means your fat and not skinny enough to fit the world's standard of beauty. This is what Jennifer said after hearing what the critics had to say to her-" I’m never going to starve myself for a part. I don’t want little girls to be like, ‘Oh, I want to look like Katniss, so I’m going to skip dinner.’ That’s something I was really conscious of during training, when you’re trying to get your body to look exactly right. I was trying to get my body to look fit and strong – not thin and underfed.” Jennifer continues by saying that she would rather have a womanly shape with curves and boobs instead of having a little girl body just because that's what the media's standards are.

 

 More girls and women need to look up to people like Jennifer because no matter what the critics throw at her, she stays true to herself and she loves her body. I don't even understand why the media would say such a thing because she looks great and many women would kill for that body! It just shows that we need to stop looking up to people who do everything to fit the worlds standards and start looking up to people who remind us that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and that the media is completely deranged. I don't know about you but I am not going to let the media's standard of beauty effect how I feel about my hair, my face, or my body.
I'm not a size zero, I have curves and the body of a woman, and no matter what the world thinks beauty is...I know that I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am. I'm not going to form to the worlds standards or what others think of me because what they think doesn't matter....What I think about myself matters and what my heavenly father thinks of me matters much more than any ones opinion of beauty.

Why do I run??

A lot of people ask me, "why? Why do you run?" I know I'm not going to get the normal reaction when I say I run 4 miles every day, but there is always a surprised and confused expression on someones face when I tell them, "yes I run three or four miles a day and I love it!" By then they just start thinking I'm crazy. The truth is I hated running a couple of years ago but now it's essential. Running doesn't just  help my body do what it needs to do and stay healthy, it makes me feel good too. On days like today when I'm really missing Anthony or I'm stressed out about starting school, all I can think about is getting on the treadmill for a good run!! When you run "Feel-good" hormones are released in your body. Your mood is instantly heightened and you feel satisfied and happy with yourself. I'm not saying running is easy, it never is, but that's why I like it. It allows me to push myself. I tried the whole speed-walk-on-incline-thing and I hated it because running makes me feel powerful and I can get it over with faster. When I run I can think more clearly and it's the perfect way to release stress. After my runs I feel like a completely new person! I'm also a huge fan of strength training so I love doing push-ups and core workouts. If someone told me 16 months ago that I would be running 4 miles a day with strength training, I would've said they were insane!!! Now its the other way around. Running is in my blood so I should've known it would pop up sooner or later, but I would've never expected myself to love it and need it this much! So why do I run?? I run because for 40 minutes a day, all I have to think about is the steady rhythm of my feet and feel my breath as it goes in and out. I run because it makes me feel strong and powerful. I run because I have to. I run because I love it. I run because I decided to make the jump.

A poem that I've finally decided to share.

Looking Foward

 

This Tale is true and mine.

I'm looking at you,

the hurt in your eyes is all I can see.

Without speaking you say,

how could you do this...

I thought you loved me, I thought you cared,

you told me you would always be there,

be there for me,

now I'm blind, now I can't see.

I'm sinking in deep water,

the deep regret of the hurt I've caused..

crushing down on my heart,

because I broke yours...I tore it apart.

You turn your back from me and walk away,

I'm calling out your name with tears in my eyes.

You don't turn around,

and dark clouds fill up the skies.

I wake myself up calling your name,

with tears forcing to spill, stronger than wind or the pure power of will.

My room has gone cold and it's too dark to see,

but I can still see you walking away.

How could I do that do you?

How could I do this to me?

Memories start flowing from three weeks before,

Shaking your set-apart hands,

My last goodbye...looking into your eyes one last time before walking tou the door.

Clutching your missionary blanket tightly in my arms.

I have the bravery to look back as I'm walking,

seeing into days past...

before I told you I didn't know if it would last.

I saw the year I moved here,

helplessly hurting heeding hope,

with a sad and troubled mind.

You helped me through it, so caring and kind.

You told me you knew just how to make me smile,

something I hadn't truthfully done..

in longer than a while.

You picked me up and drove down a dirt road,

snow covered the ground, and the air was thick with frost.

You opened my door and I stepped out of the truck,

this is a memory that in my heart stuck.

You led me a couple of feet,

We sat on a log and I couldn't believe my eyes of what I could see,

A beautiful river and waterfall glistening back at me.

The sky was filled with orange and pink,

for the first time, my heart lifted up...

it did not sink.

You began to say you dreampt a dream,

but wouldn't tell me anything unless I would sing.

When the notes ended I took a glance,

Taking in your grinning stare....not knowing that nothing could prepare,

prepare me for what would happen next,

I wasn't aware.

You got up off the log and walked away, stopped, and held out your hand.

I walked closer taking the leap by chance,

you pulled me in and we started to dance.

My heart leapt while asking you of your dream..

you whispered in my ear,

This was my dream. Right now. Here.

You told me that things would change and that I would be alright,

in that moment a puzzle peice slipped back into my heart, filling with light.

As I walked my mind returned to reality.

My heart threatening to burst as I took slower steps,

This was the reality I had to face..in this moment,

in this place.

I saw into more memories,

laughted and joy,

Gospel testimony, strength and Truth,

not one thing existed without me and you.

I saw us cooking together, and taking early night runs,

I remembered watching the stars in the sky as they shined,

and looking at the setting sun,

where we faced fears and talked about hopes and dreams, glistening in the starlight gleam.

I loved seeing you and my family together,

that was when I know our bond would last forever.

We triumphed over trials and helped eachother through,

whenever there was a problem we knew just what to do.

My steps came to a stop.

Looking back to the six weeks before that moment,

the moment I had to say goodbye,

I told you I couldn't wait for you, I left you in my kitchen

I made you cry.

I said I wasn't sure if you were the one,

the one that still could come, I wasn't ready for your reply,

you fought for us, and knew I was acting out of fear,

you never stopped loving me, you were always here.

You supported my decision even though you knew I was wrong...

it was in that moment walking that I knew where I belonged.

I got into the truck, greiving from the pain of a broken heart,

looking back as we drove away,

A pain that stayed and lasted months because of regret,

I felt it, made up my mind...

I prayed and a decision was set,

Two years without compared nothing to eternity..

eternity began the first day we met.

sixteen months have now passed,

Miracles in England...the place where you are,

where you shine and make families forever, brighter than the brightest star.

Everything has led up to these days,

days of growing, learning, and falling deeper down diving, depicting dreams,

filling wiht happiness and hope, instead of tearing at the seams.

Our love has been tested...by others and by me.

Everything that has happened was meant to be...even walking through the rain on that dark night, and waking up from nightmares of you walking out of sight.

Weakness became strength,

a strength we've never known before,

every day becoming more.

I no longer regret the past even though I certainly regret what I did,

what I had done,

but in the end we have certainly won.

When I walk out the door, I'm no longer looking back,

I'm looking foward....I'm looking foward with you,

On a journey never finished.

 



Be happy by Nina Dobrev.

This quote from Nina Dobrev is one of my favorites. It reminds me that I am unique and beautiful in my own way. Wishing to look like or be like someone else is just wasting what my Heavenly Father has blessed me with. This quote reminds me to not only be happy and positive each day but to be happy with myself  and everything that comes with being me! So don't obsess, be happy!

My PERFECT new Layout!!

Hello Everybody! Today I decided to give my blog a much needed makeover. I wanted it to better portray where Anthony is in England so you and I can have a better feel of it. Before I knew it I found the back round of the telephone booth's! You have to understand that these aren't just any telephone booth's, I have a picture of Anthony in a telephone booth that looks exactly like them!! This picture is so special because he sent it to me at the very beginning of his mission and it cheered me right up. I love his sense of humor and how he can make me laugh so hard from so far away.

After I found the perfect back round, I also had to find the perfect song to play while your reading. I looked for about 15 minutes and found just that. It's called "My Letter," and there isn't a better song than this one for Anthony and I! Listen for a second and you'll know what I'm talking about. I really feel like I've accomplished something today..this is great! Now every time I come here I'll feel like I'm in a little piece of England.

Baby Steps and Best Friends!

        As many of you know, I recently started my own personal journey of making Body Peace. One of my best friends told me to take baby steps since its overwhelming to tackle everything at once. One of the goals I've been working on is saying something positive about myself and my body anytime I find myself in front of a mirror. Surprisingly its made such a difference in how I feel and think about myself! Yesterday I took another baby step and decided I was going to take a picture of myself before heading out to The Haunted Theater. I never do it very much because I never like how they turn out and always have something to criticize, but this time I told myself I was going to take the picture and love it no matter what the little voice in my head tried to tell me. So I took the picture, said something positive about it, and saved it!

This was a big step for me. Because I made the choice to not bash myself or my body, I actually felt good about the picture I took because I was seeing the positives I had been telling myself instead of the negatives.

When you decide to make a change like I did it is so important to have people with you who stand by you and support you. I feel so blessed to have some of the best friends in the entire world!! They have been my rock through this and I can always count on them. I know I can talk to them about anything and they will always be here for me. I love my friends and I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. We laugh about everything and aren't afraid to tease and give eachother a hard time. we stand together no matter what comes our way. I know with all of my heart that Heavenly Father sends people into our lives to help us along the way and make life a little bit brighter, but he didn't just send me people or best friends...he sent me angels.

As things change and life goes on, we will always share a bond that can't be broken by time or distance...We will always be best friends. True friends.

  

 

Here are some pictures of all of us doing what we do best which is goof off!!

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES.......Our favorite show!

 

 There's nothing more I can say because these pictures say it all!!