Boston Has My Heart.

Today the tragedy of the two bombs going off during the Boston Marathon broke my heart. It's hard for me to even think about it without tearing up. Although I wasn't there, my heart goes out to all of the runners and bystanders that were watching the marathon that were injured or had their lives taken. This kind of thing makes me wonder what this world is coming to and the scary fact that no matter how prepared we are, we never know what's going to happen...everything can change in a split second. Something that hurts me deeply is the lower injuries that were a result of the explosion. Many runners and bystanders lost their legs and or their feet. As a runner myself this hurts my heart to the core. These runners were about to cross the finish line in triumph when all of a sudden their lives changed forever...many won't be able to run again.

 I don't know who could know this and not want to do something about it. I wish I could be there to help and do something besides having to sit here hoping everyone is okay. I feel like it is my responsibility to do something to honor the runners in that marathon because we share the same love and we are all family. From now on I'm not just running, I'm running for Boston and everyone injured. I'm running for those runners who had to experience this horror. I'm running for those that might not be able to run again. So for anyone who has friends or loved ones in Boston who were part of this heartbreaking devastation, THIS IS FOR YOU. To any of the runners who might be reading this or won't be able to, I AM RUNNING FOR YOU. If you can't run anymore and the only thing that I can do is be your legs then that is exactly what I will do. I will be your legs. My whole heart and my prayers are with you. Stay Strong, you are not alone.

You have fought the good fight,
You have finished the race,
You have kept the faith.

Beneath The Surface...

 It is 3:00 in the morning and I should be sleeping but I can't get this off my mind.



Right now I'm itching...I'm literally turning inside out because I want to run so bad and it isn't just that. I feel like I've been holding myself back from my potential. I know that I could be working so much harder. I know that I could be running so much faster and longer than I am now...I know it. And right now I feel like every muscle in my body yearns for it...aches for it. I want to push myself harder than I ever have before, I want to go past my breaking point. I want to reach my goal and become as strong as I can. I want to tap into whatever it is that is inside me telling me I have so much more in me than I am letting myself believe. I want to stop whatever it is that is making me scared of reaching my potential and stopping me from being the best I can be. I don't know what it is but what I know is that from this moment at 3:13a.m. it doesn't have power over me anymore. From this moment I'm not holding myself back anymore. I'm not going to worry about failure because failure is the farthest thing from my mind...determination is the second closest and right in front of that is a will and dedication that no one wants to mess with.
Tomorrow I move home and a week from Sunday I start my second semester at BYU-Idaho. I'm flipping the switch....this is it, this is my time, and I'm going to do this. I don't just have to do this...I NEED to do this, I WANT to do this with every fiber in my being and I have no idea why it took me this long to figure it out...Nothing is stopping me from this, not even myself. I'm facing this short break and new semester with a fresh start and a whole new attitude...I am going to accomplish what I set my mind to and I will not fail. I'm making myself strong, I'm making myself confident, I'm making myself proud, I'm making myself fierce, I'm making myself courageous, I'm making myself UNSTOPPABLE.

The Answer To My Prayers!!

All that I can say is this weekend changed my life and my view on this world. I went to Salt Lake City with a big group of friends with the hope of getting into a session of Conference. I didn't really think much of it except that it was a short break from homework and a chance for me to get away for a little bit. We all got ready to go not expecting what was coming our way...at least, I didn't expect what was coming MY way. After getting ready to go we left my apartment at around 5:30m on Friday. During the four hour drive I enjoyed the scenery and the company of crazy friends.

We arrived in Salt Lake City at around 10:00 and even though we were exhausted we stayed up until 2:00am. After 3&1/2 hours of sleep we got up at 5:30 so we could leave the house by 6:45 and get in the standby line with the hope of making it in to conference. Luckily being early birds paid off and we were almost at the beginning of the line! Patiently, we waited.

 

 Finally we got into the old Conference Center and waited some more. After I had fallen asleep on Maddie's shoulder  out of exhaustion we were called up to get our tickets! We made it in! Being sleepy was the last thing on all of our minds as we smiled ear to ear knowing that we were going to Conference! We literally skipped to the conference center in pure excitement and actually got pretty good seats! Once we were inside we sat there grinning and anxious for it to start.

 

 

During conference I listened while taking note on a little church handout because I forgot something to take notes in! Who does that?  Even though we were so ecstatic to be there, a couple of us,

including myself  dosed off a couple of times. Nevertheless the spirit was so strong and the talks we extremely powerful!! Afterwards we went back to the parking garage Which was free for Conference! and saw that one of our cars had been broken into. One of the windows was busted out and unfortunately my roommates wallet and laptop were stolen. What was amazing was that before we left she felt like it would be a good idea to put her drivers license and her debit card in her pocket instead of her wallet. what a blessing! After some tears, a police report, and a group hug, we all headed back to where we were staying for some much needed food and naps.

Sunday was the day where everything changed for me. I was in the car listening to the First talk of the Morning Session of Conference. Because of the garbage bag that was covering the windowless window we had to turn the radio up really loud but we didn't mind. As soon as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf was called to the stand I couldn't contain my excitement. It wasn't until his voice rang out loud and clear that I knew I needed to listen to every word. He began telling the story of a girl who he called "Jane" that had grown up in a really abusive situation. When she was 18 she found the church and was able to climb out of the darkness that had consumed her soul and her heart.She was doing amazing until a couple years later when it all of a sudden came back to haunt her. "Profound sadness and anger threatened to destroy the wonderful light she had found In the gospel."

 

My heart stopped. This is what happened to me a couple of weeks ago...this is what I've been praying to overcome...this talk is for me.

 

President Uchtdorf continued with his story. "She knew that if she allowed the darkness to consume her, her tormentor would have a final victory. After pondering therapy and medication Jane learned that healing comes when we move away from the darkness and walk towards the hope of a brighter light. She accepted and understood that darkness exists but not to dwell there because light also existed. She chose to dwell in the light. She resisted the darkness and held fast to the hope that with God's help she could be healed." He continued with saying "She chose to radiate the light and devote her life to helping others know their worth. This decision enabled her to leave the past behind and to step into a glorious bright future. She became a defender of the weak, the victimized, and the discouraged. She builds, strengthens, and inspires everyone around her. With the application of faith, hope, and charity she not only transformed her life but forever blessed the lives of many, many others."

 

I felt so full in that moment...I felt understood, I felt hope.

 

I was so happy that I fought back tears while sitting in the passenger seat of the car. My prayers and pleads to heavenly father for help had been answered. Just when I thought I couldn't receive any more answers than I already had, he then listed the 3 steps of stepping out of the past...out of the darkness.

 

1. START WHERE YOU ARE- We don't have to be perfect to obtain the blessings from our Heavenly Father. The heavens begin to part, and the blessings of heaven begin to distill upon us with the very first steps we take towards the light. The light will come.
2. TURN YOUR HEART TOWARDS THE LORD- Lift up your soul in prayer and explain to your Heavenly Father what you are feeling, acknowledge your short comings, pour out your heart and express your gratitude. Let him know of the trials you are facing. Plead with him in Christ's name for strength and support. Ask that your ears may be opened that you may hear his voice, ask that your eyes may be opened that you may see his light.
3. WALK IN THE LIGHT- Heavenly Father desires that you will rise up and become the person that you were designed to be. Follow in the footsteps of Christ.

He ended his talk with this-  "The darkness will surely fade because it cannot exist in the presence of light. Gods light is real, it is available to all, it gives life to all things, it has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound, it can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the midst of despair it can illuminate the path before us and can lead us from the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn. This is the spirit of Jesus Christ which giveth light unto every man that cometh into the world."

 

 

Honestly, there are no words to explain how I felt that day while riding in the car with the noisy garbage bag flapping in the wind while it covered the broken window. Through the noise, the message rang out clear and I knew that Heavenly Father had just given me my much needed answer, he had just guided me to where I needed to go and told me how I could get there. I went to conference unprepared with no written down questions ready to go or anything, but Heavenly Father knew that I needed him so he came. He came when I was in the best position to listen and hear his voice. I am so thankful for that and that I have a loving Heavenly Father that hears and answers prayers. I feel so blessed to have prophets and apostles who Christ speaks through with the things that we need to hear and do to grow, endure, and become closer to him.

 

Sunday was a turning point for me in my life. I was given the knowledge to leave my past behind and to never return to it again. I was given the hope of knowing that I can use what happened to me years ago to help others and be a light to those that might need me through Christ and his light. What happened to me didn't take away my light but gave me the opportunity to make it shine brighter. Yes, I was lost in darkness years ago and it came back to threaten my light and yes I felt like I was being engulfed in the darkness but through Christ I was able to find my way again. Through one of his prophets I heard his voice speaking to me telling me to come to him and step into the light.

God is real and he lights every dark space and corner in our lives if we just let him in, run into his arms and let his light shine bright within us.

 

One things for sure...My light is never leaving me again, nor will I ever let something dim it our threaten to blow it out. Through Christ I have been made strong and it is through Christ that I will let my light so shine before the world. It is through him that I will use my hardships to help others and lift them up. NEVER doubt yourself, NEVER lose hope, NEVER stop enduring, NEVER give up on yourself, NEVER let your light dim or falter. Stand strong with the knowledge that you are sons and daughters of God and he will NEVER fail you or leave you in  darkness.