One of the best days of my life!!!

                                  We all have day's in our lives that change everything around us, how we think, how we view ourselves, and how we view the world. Christmas was one of those days for me. Before Christmas morning I hadn't seen Anthony in 7 months and even though I tried, calming my nerves became an impossibility as I sat with my family and waited for Anthony to call on Skype. Finally the moment came! As I walked into the kitchen fighting back tears, my heart felt like it might beat out of my chest...I couldn't believe the moment had finally come. We all gathered around the computer so excited to see him!

When I heard his voice for the first time in 8 months I felt like thousands of weights were lifted off of my shoulders and I was home again. For the first time in so long I felt completely calm and happy:) It was such an amazing feeling, he has always had a way of helping me come to myself more than anyone else. Soon it was our turn to have our time with each other. As my family and his left the kitchen my heart began to beat a little faster and I couldn't believe what was happening, but as soon as I sat down and faced the computer I was Looking at the love of my life who just happened to be looking right back at me! We couldn't have been happier and were trying to convice ourselves that it was actually real.

Talking to him was indescribable and so effortless. I was talking to my best friend, my soul mate and I was right where I was meant to me. We talked and laughed like we had just talked for hours the day before. It was like no time had passed and I can't even put into words how happy I was to be in that moment with him. Being able to hear him say "I love you" brought tears to my eyes as I said "I love you too." After only seeing it written on sheets of paper, being able to hear it and say it was so beautiful and it felt amazing...It was like being able to tell each other how much we love each other made our love grow even deeper. It means so much more when you aren't able to hear it or say it often, especially to the person you love most. I just can't even begin to describe how it felt. We talked for a little bit and then in his cute english accent he asked, "Will you sing for me?" Fortunetly I was already a step ahead and had a song prepared just for him. I let him know that I had giant calluses on my fingers from practicing so I would be good enough to learn a song for him.

And then, with overgrown butterflies in my stomach, I started to sing....

~~~~~~~

Since I was paying close attention to the chords on my guitar I didn't notice the expression on his face :) He always seems to look at me like that when I'm not paying attention...but  I love it when he does. That look melts my heart even when I don't notice it right away...It reminds me that I have someone that truly loves me for me and appreciates the small things like me singing for him. When I was done he said it was beautiful and the best Christmas present he could've ever gotten :) He told me how good he's been doing and that he wished I could be witnessing the miracles that were happening all around him. I smiled as he talked with conviction about how much he loved his mission. It meant so much to me to hear him so excited about something that he loves so much.  We talked for a little longer and he told me how much he loved me and that I was so beautiful. It was amazing because for the first time in too long I actually felt beautiful and I believed it as it came out of his mouth..when I'm with Anthony I am able to be my quirky goofy self without second guessing because he loves me for who I am; quirks, crooked smile, and all. Then he got a more serious look on his face and told me that a package was coming my way and inside it would be a little Wooden box.

He told me that before I opened the box, that I needed to think of the Count of Monte Cristo. I was curious because that had been "OUR" movie for forever, but I knew right away what would be in the special box. He told me that he had been wearing a peice of twine around his ring finger and that in the box there would be a piece of twine for me to tie around my finger until he could replace it with something else when he got home.

 I just sat there in awe and tried not to cry...... it was obvious that he had just told me I was so happy and my brother's jaw-dropped face in the backround was priceless. It was really hard to say goodbye and afterwards his grandma held me as I cried, but we both were so happy that in a way it wasn't so hard. We knew we didn't have long until we'd be together again. As we looked at eachother, smiled, and said I love you...We didn't say goodbye, we said, "I'll see you soon." Those six words held more meaning than anything we have ever said to eachother. When I was looking at him I wasn't just looking at the most amazing, loving, handsome man that I had ever met, I was looking at my eternal companion. I was smiling at the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The person who I want to be holding my hand when I'm old and grey...the person who I would wait forever for if I had to. I was looking at the man who's smile brightens my world and makes everything around me beautiful. These 5 months that are left seem like nothing now!! Before I know it the moment will come when I will be able to run into his arms after two years and know in my heart that I will never have to let him go again. This Christmas was lifechanging. It was so much different than skyping Anthony last Christmas because our feelings and love for eachother have grown so much deeper and stronger.

Through these next 5 months I am going to hold onto how it felt to hear his voice and the special moments that we shared together through those short 45 minutes. When you've found the person who's meant for you...you will make the sacrifices needed to be with them. these 18 months have been a sacrifice yes, but they have also been one of the most amazing blessings I have ever recieved and the most beauitful journey I have ever been on. I wouldn't take it back for anything even though I can't wait for our two years to be up!!!

That night I found a song that described how I feel pefectly and what this waiting experience has been like for the both of us.

 

I thought all of the surprises were over until the most unexpected thing happened when I got home.

My parents told me I couldn't look...

 And then they uncovered my eyes....

 

My dad couldn't even look at me because he was crying too...it was emotional moment for the both of us.

 

I opened it up and it was one of the most beautiful thing's I have ever seen.

 I was SHOCKED.

 

IT WAS A 93 WESTERLY GUILD GUITAR!!!!! :) These aren't even made any more and it sounds so beautiful and warm. Between this guitar and being able to see the love of my eternity..it was the best christmas of my entire life. 

MY MOMENT.

My Moment

 

This moment.

This moment is mine,

This moment is bigger than me,

breathing in and out.

this moment is making me better,

faster,

stronger,

this moment is training my mind,

this moment is training my body,

My time of quiet,

when I shut the world out and focus.

Nothing matters because its just me and my moment.

My moment where I feel most like myself,

when I can lay it all out on the table,

Breathing in and out.

This moment is making me happy,

this moment is soaking up negativity,

my time of happiness.

when my thoughts are clearer,

and everything makes sense,

When I find solutions to my problems.

enjoying the moment.

Breathing in and out.

This moment makes me push myself,

this moment teaches me to ignore the voice in my head saying,

you can't do this, why are you here....I ignore that voice in my ear.

This moment is giving me confidence,

This moment is showing me,

I can do this, I am supposed to be here,

this is where I belong...

in this moment that's making me strong,

my time of peace,

breathing in and out.

I listen to my feet and the steady rhythm they keep,

This moment is meant for the determined,

this moment is meant for the eager,

This moment is meant for those who need it.

In this moment, I feel beautiful and I feel unstoppable.

My time of strength...

When I am given what I need,

Breathing in and out.

Shutting the world out.

Holding nothing back especially myself.

Its just me,

My moment,

MY RUN.

 

 

I VOW TO...NEVER QUIT.

Recently I got a little side tracked with my journey to body peace and forgot about the goals I should be trying to accomplish and improve on. Instead I went backwards rather than fowards, so I thought I would remind myself and put the new Body Peace list up since a few new things have been added to it since I decided to accept this challenge. Re-Reading these goals and seeing the new ones filled me with hope and determination because I know they're attainable. I know I can do it if I stay focused and work hard. I want this more than anything. I want to make these goals habits and become the best version of myself that I can be. I want to be able to look in the mirror and have a great big smile on my face because I feel beautiful and I'm happy with who I am from the inside out. I WILL get there. I WON'T QUIT.

 

I VOW TO...

·          Do the little things that will keep my body healthy, like walking instead of hanging on the couch, or drinking water rather than something sugary.

·          Appreciate what makes my body different from anyone else's. I love that I'm unique on the inside; I will try to feel that way about the outside too!

·          Wear makeup only when I want to and it feels fun. I won't use it to hide the real me!

·         Accept that my body will go through changes, and that's okay.

·          Support my friends, who just like me, have their own body issues. Hey, we're all in this together!

·          Put my energy toward the things in life I care about instead of wasting another ounce of it on my insecurities.

·         Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slices of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight.

·         Never blame my body for the bad day I'm having.

·         Stop joining in when my friends compare and trash their own bodies.

·         Never allow a dirty look from someone else to influence how I feel about my appearance.

·         Quit judging a person solely by how his or her body looks — even if it seems harmless — because I'd never want anyone to do that to me.

·         Notice all the amazing things my body is doing for me every moment I walk, talk, think, breathe...

·         Quiet that negative little voice in my head when it starts to say mean things about my body that I'd never tolerate anyone else saying about me.

·         Remind myself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV and in ads — it takes a lot of airbrushing, dieting, money, and work to look like that.

·         Remember that even the girl who I'd swap bodies with in a minute has something about her looks that she hates.

·         Respect my body by feeding it well, working up a sweat when it needs it, and knowing when to give it a break.

·         Realize that the mirror can reflect only what's on the surface of me, not who I am inside.

·         Know that I'm already beautiful just the way I am.

·         Not let my size define me. It’s far better to focus on how awesome I look in my jeans than the number on the tag.

·         Surround myself with positive people. True friends are there to lift me up when I’m feeling low and won't bring me down with criticism, body bashing, or gossip.

·         Accept the changes that my body is going through. I will celebrate my new shape and curves. I will rock what I've got!

·         Remember that sometimes I will have down moments. And in those times, I will remind myself of how awesome I am by looking in the mirror and saying, "I'm good! I can do this! I'm number one!"

·         Accept that beauty isn't just about my looks. It's my awesome personality and my energy that creates a whole, unique package.

 

 

My "I'm Still Waiting" College Plan.

                 Okay, lets face it. BYU-I isn't called "BYU- I DO" for nothing. I'm not saying that engagements or wedding plans happen there every day or anything (maybe they do) but its no secret that many students who go there not only go with the hopes of getting a better education and future, but also with the hopes of finding an Eternal Companion. And lets just say that when it comes to my guy friends starting to like me, it's happened a lot. Its not the easiest thing but I get through it and luckily my friends have enough respect for me to not act on it because they know I'm in love with someone else. Because of my bad luck of this happening, yes, I'm worried about the guys at BYU-I, but I know that I will always stand my ground. They might have not found their Eternal Companion yet, but I have found mine. I'm not going to go on any dates where the guy doesn't know I'm taken and that I'm not looking for that person anymore. If I become friends with a guy that's like, "hey! lets get a group together tonight to hang out!" and he knows how I feel then I'll go, but I will by no means go on a date where the guy is looking for that special person and is interested in me, because that's not fair to them. I can't give them what they want...They need to go on dates with people who are still looking and hoping they'll find that person that's just for them.  I'm not that person.
                I know that there's always the chance that a guy could come along who won't take a hint, but I'll deal with that when and if it happens. Someone I love very much, you could say she's like a sister to me, was talking to a couple of guys who work with her and currently go to BYU-I. They told her that a lot of guys up there don't care if a girl is waiting for a missionary, they'll try anyway. They continued with saying that if they were interested in a girl who was waiting for a missionary, that wouldn't stop them. I understand how they feel because to them, its sometimes normal for  Missionary Girlfriends to decide they want someone else or decide it's not working out when they meet someone else. It happens a lot, but in all honesty...I am not normal and neither is me and Anthony's relationship. It makes sense if the girl they're interested in is flirting back and isn't as serious as I am but I honestly think that if a girl has made up her mind and knows where she stands, any guy who is interested should respect her decision. If not he'll just be wasting his time on something that's never going to happen. And hey, maybe someone might still try but they'll soon figure out that I'm not for them....That I belong with someone else. I have too much respect for people to let someone pursue me when I have nothing to give them in return.
                   Some of you are probably thinking, "yeah right, watch her find someone else." If you feel that way I can assure you that you're not going to watch me find someone else, you're going to watch me prove you wrong. I am so excited for the college experience and I can't wait to grow and learn more about myself, my testimony, make new friends and have the time of my life. One things for sure though. I'm going to make sure everyone knows where I stand... I met the love of my life 3 and 1/2 years ago and by no circumstances will I ever let him go :)I have one month until I start school..watch out BYU-I here I come!!