He is my miracle.

A couple days ago I got a letter from Anthony!! Over the past 15 months I've almost filled up an entire binder with his letters and it is amazing to go back and be reminded of how fast time is passing and how much we have grown. Out of all of the letters I have gotten, this one was very different and in the best way possible. This letter gave me so much comfort and I felt so much warmth after reading it..his letters always make me feel that way but as I said before...this letter was different. It was like everything he wrote down helped me with everything I was struggling with. Some days the pressure that comes with my (POD) puts a lot of weight on my shoulders and I fight the feeling that I'm damaged. In his letter he told me that he could tell I was struggling and he wanted me to let it all out to him...he said he wanted me to vent because he wanted to know exactly how I was feeling. He continued by saying that every day its hard for him not to look down on himself because of his false eye, the things he's been through in his life and that he feels damaged at times too. In that moment I realized that he has been going through what I just started dealing with ever since he was 15. In that moment I  felt completely understood and connected to him in a way I haven't been before. I realized that we are now going through the same thing together...we were both given certain imperfections that we have to learn to love even though its hard and we are helping each other see them in a brighter light. This part of the letter was what hit me the hardest...

"Do you know I've never loved anyone so much? There is no one that shines as bright as you in this entire country. Don't see it as a disease. Don't see yourself as less. If you do your not looking through my eyes or God's eyes."


After I read that and finished the letter I cried. I really cried for the first time in months. It was like I was letting myself let go of all of the pain I was feeling and was replacing it with the love I felt from Anthony even though I was feeling like less of a person. He knew exactly what to tell me even though he didn't know how I was feeling when he wrote my letter. He knew I needed to know that he loved me no matter what and that because of my disease I'm even more beautiful to him than before and I always will be. He let me know that he will always stand by my side and that we will always get through it together. He even said that his heart has been open for adoption if it doesn't work and that he will love any child of his own. I can't even begin to explain how much he comforted me. After the letter it was like I could feel him in the room with me, I knew that everything would be okay. For a while I didn't want to tell him that what I have is a disease because I didn't want him to be scared or think less of me...I was kinda stupid to even let myself entertain that thought. I am so blessed to have Anthony. He has a way of comforting me and giving me hope in a way that no one else does. He is the answer to all of my prayers and we are the same. We are both a little damaged in our own way and through our own experiences and choices from the past, but those things ultimately led us to each other. Now we are even stronger as a whole. Him opening up to me only made me love him more. I see his imperfections as beautiful. I know he doesn't, but I love his eye because I love him and his eye is a part of who he is :) His eye is an example of how strong he is and the things he has overcome. It makes him even more handsome than he already is. We all have our own scars...the trick is learning to see them as Honorable battle wounds instead of things that make us less perfect in someone Else's eyes or our own. We both have our scars and things missing, but together we make a whole. Anthony has taught me that. He is my miracle.