Anthony and I now know that whatever diagnoses I got saying I might not be able to have children in the past are completely false! We are excited to hopefully start a family soon and begin a new chapter in our lives. We are also starting school this next week so theres a lot to prepare for and be excited about. We're starting this new semester with more confidence in ourselves that we can do hard things...Why do you ask? Well, lets just say Christmas was very interesting and we ended up visiting my dad in his new house with his ....Woman...I honestly still don't know what to call her yet because it's awkward. But It was a very interesting experience and a lot different than I expected. Besides it feeling like I had stepped into the twilight zone of my dad's new life, dogs on the living room floor and all, It actually went very well. Don't get me wrong, it was still hard.
I literally spent the whole time looking at his new...her... trying to find something wrong with her...any flaw that would give me an excuse to not like her or to be even more upset with their affair that literally broke my family in more ways than one (because now everyone is moving away, some to different states to really get their distance.) But I couldn't find much wrong with her which irritated me. She was a nice lady and went out of her way trying to make Anthony and I comfortable...she even looked a little nervous like we were. I was so confused. Wasn't the lady my dad had an affair with supposed to be a monster? A green one with scales and sharp teeth?
After spending time with them I felt bad for how I had envisioned her in my mind. I then realized that in order to forgive my dad I had to forgive her as well.....Then I realized something crazy. I knew I could. I feel better knowing that I don't have to condone what they did in order to forgive them; I don't have to agree...I just have to forgive. Since then I've been trying harder to forgive them and not think negatively about them like I have for a while. I wanted to start this New Year with a step in the right direction in getting rid of the negativity in my life. How can I do that when I'm holding on to anger and blame? All I can tell you is despite the odds, Its impossible.
I'm so thankful for what Christmas day taught me even though I had been dreading it for months. I'm so thankful for the support Anthony gave me even though he was happy about it as I was. He was a trooper and was as surprised as I was that it went so well. Even though there are so many things I want to become this year, I'm so glad I was able to start it with a new perspective. Happy New Year Everyone!!
